EYEONDV DV SAFETY PLAN (POST EXIT)
If you remained in your own home, change the locks immediately.
Change your phone number and make sure that it is unlisted.
Install as many security features in and around your home as possible.
Save any threatening voice or text messages. These are evidence and can be used if you decide to pursue legal action against your abuser. If you already have a restraining order in place, these messages are evidence that the order has been violated.
Inform your neighbors that your former partner is not welcome on the premises and (if you have a restraining order) that he/she is not allowed within so many feet. Ask neighbors to call police if they see your abuser anywhere near your property or if he/she is watching your home. Also, give a copy of your restraining order to your property manager if you have one.
If you have children, review their childcare arrangements to make sure they are safe at all times. If you have a restraining order, give a copy to your children’s childcare provider or school along with a picture of your abuser. Make sure they are clear about who has permission to pick your child up from school. If necessary, consider finding a new childcare facility.
If you don’t have one already, get a restraining order and keep it near you at all times. Make sure friends, family, co-workers, you children’s school/day care, and neighbors have copies to show the police in the event that something happens. Laminate your copy of the restraining order so that your abuser cannot tear it up. Keep extra copies in a safe and well-hidden place.
Avoid establishments that you and/or your abuser frequented during your relationship. These places could include: stores, banks, and businesses. You want to avoid running into him/her and his friends/family.
Do whatever you need to do to establish a support system of people who will be there when you need them.
Get counseling, attend workshops, and join support groups.
EYEONDV DV EXIT STRATEGY (FLEEING TO SAFETY)
*Keep in mind that many victims of domestic violence end up leaving their relationship as a result of a split second decision to save their or their children’s lives so they are literally having to go with only the clothes on their backs...AND THAT IS OK!! The lives of you (and your children if you have any) is of paramount importance. Although this is the case, it is still very important to have a plan in place because just knowing what to do and where to go can help you remain calm and make wise decisions in the midst of a catastrophe. Your plan will come together as a result of answering the following questions:
Where can you go in the event of a crisis?
*family, friends, neighbors, police station, emergency room, shelter, etc.
*memorize emergency contacts/numbers and hotline numbers
*know the location of the nearest police department
*have a clear agreement and plan with friends/family ahead of time to make sure they will be willing to help you in the event of a crisis
*are you able to remain at your destination for an extended period of time?
*reach out to a shelter, get as much information as you can, and apply if you need to or can.
*call your local domestic violence hotline to get as much information and resources as you can.
Will you be safe once you arrive at your destination?
*make sure that your abuser can not find you at your destination (will you be in an area where your abuser frequents or that of his/her family/friends?)
*will the person/people you will be staying with respect your confidentiality (will they tell your abuser that you are there or share any information with him/her?)
*is there a way to keep your vehicle concealed where you will be living (is there a garage?)
EXIT STRATEGY ITEM CHECKLIST
This is a list of ideal items to gather and store in a safe place (or maybe give to a trusted friend/family member) in the event that you must flee:
*Identification for yourself and your children
*Insurance records and cards
*Prescription medication
*ATM/Credit Cards
*Safety deposit box key
*Important receipts/claim tickets
*Keys: house, car, garage, etc.
*Small items to sell: jewelry, etc.
*Favorite clothes
*County papers (public assistance)
*Medical records: immunization, dental
*Legal papers: restraining and custody orders
*Bank books/Check books (if you still use these)
*Appointment/Address Books (if you still use these)
*Car registration
*Pets (or research pet sheltering programs, etc.)
*Photographs
*Favorite possessions for yourself and your children
*Cell Phone and charger
*Electronic devices and chargers (if possible)
EYEONDV DV SAFETY PLAN (WHILE STILL WITH YOUR ABUSER)
Memorize emergency contacts and phone numbers. If you have children, make sure they also memorize these names and phone numbers. Also, make sure your children know when, how, and why to call 911. Have a prepaid phone card or prepaid phone card on hand.
Have domestic violence information and resources on hand but well hidden so your abuser can not find them.
Open a bank account or safe deposit box that your abuser doesn’t know about.
STAY IN TOUCH WITH FRIENDS THAT CAN BE TRUSTED. Get to know your neighbors. JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP.
Leave a change of clothes, extra money, a set of keys, and copies of important documents with a TRUSTED FRIEND or RELATIVE that you can get in touch with 24 hours a day.
Rehearse your established exit strategy until you know it by heart: where you will go (and an alternate in case your initial plan fails), what you will take with you, etc.
Keep Going
I woke up this morning with the pang of fear and anxiety in my belly. When I realized this, my first thought was, “God’s got you”! My next thought was, “use it”! Even after three years of consistent growth and healing and growing in God, I still have fear and anxiety...the two are natural parts of being human. It’s how one deals with the two that will determine whether you are thriving or not. Given my experience with martial arts, learning how to channel and use my emotions as an actress, and most importantly, learning greater perspective and unconditional love through God, I have learned to KEEP GOING no matter what. You must keep going! You must get up and keep going everyday! Fear and anxiety are nothing more than energy, just like happiness and joy. It’s one’s mindset that determines anything outside of that energy. Now, don’t get me wrong...it isn’t easy! It...is...hard! And, ‘they’ say that it takes 4 weeks to establish a new habit so...you MUST KEEP GOING! Set your focus on a goal. It could be a general goal like healing, your kids, accomplishing your dream. It could also be a daily goal like just getting out of bed and going to the grocery store or the gym. Whatever it is, focus on that goal throughout the day and acknowledge when you feel that pang of anxiety or fear. Take that energy and let it launch you forward as if you have rocket fuel in your veins! Do this everyday no matter what! God helped me stay on this path and that is why I am thriving now! Keep going and reach out for help. Although, I’m sure at times you feel as if you are alone, there are people out there who will support you. God has sent me incredible people for each stage of my growth and healing. He has also stayed with me when the struggle felt insurmountable. This process of struggle, support, growth, and maintaining the mindset of “Keep Going” will create the THRIVER in you. KEEP GOING!