SYMPTOMS OF C-PTSD
For the third installment of this series, we’re going to get into the specific symptoms of C-PTSD. Aside from some of the typical symptoms of Classic PTSD, including: flashbacks, a heightened state of anxiety, and emotional avoidance, Complex PTSD symptoms include:
A compromised sense of core beliefs - This boils down to the loss of trust at the most basic level of one’s consciousness. This is devastating. The disintegration of what love is and what it means. This is loss of trust in relationships (family, romantic, friendships, workplace, society), religious beliefs, values, etc.
Loss of personal identity or negative sense of self - This is a direct result of consistent manipulation/gaslighting and the overall cycle of abuse as a result of trauma. One loses his/her self-esteem, self-confidence, sense of personal identity. One suffers from shame for various reasons (victim shaming, “staying with his/her abuser too long”, “attracting an abuser” in the first place, etc.), helplessness, guilt.
Greatly diminished functionality in relationships and fear/apprehension to pursue them - This symptom builds upon the loss of personal identity or negative sense of self. One might have feelings of “never letting abuse happen to them again”, always being on guard in a relationship, sabotage, developing an unhealthy pattern in relationships because of what they have known/experienced in the past.
Difficulty controlling emotions or locking them away altogether - One’s emotions could frequent the extreme ends of the spectrum from explosive anger to suicidal thoughts and persistent depression. On the other hand, stemming from the belief that one somehow caused or deserved the trauma, and in an effort not to inflict harm on another, he/she might lockdown emotions altogether.
Detaching from trauma - There are times and situations where trauma experienced is so overwhelming that the brain must detach from it to survive. This includes: emotional numbing, or depersonalization, which protects one from further emotional and/or physical trauma, and derealisation, which detaches one from the world around them and leaves them feeling that what is happening around them is not real. These symptoms can even go so far as to the individual forgetting their trauma altogether.
As a survivor myself, I experienced and am healing from every last one of these symptoms. I experienced a mind-blowing realization that, unbeknownst to me, my core belief of what love was, had been obliterated. I had no idea this had happened until I had been unpacking my trauma in consistent counseling. It has taken years to get to the level of strength and understanding that I had to redefine what love meant to ME.
I didn’t realize that I had lost my personal identity in the way I had been used to it existing until I was put on the spot to use my voice and do so in a powerful way. I had lost my voice. I had lost my self-confidence. I realized this, again, by unpacking my trauma in counseling. I have been rebuilding it over time by remaining in counseling, overcoming negative self-talk, helping others, and speaking out for others. I’m still not where I need to be though BUT I know I will be and won’t stop until I get there.
I had also developed a complete distrust of men and had absolutely no interest in dating...it wasn’t worth being destroyed again. Being a single mother and having the innate need to provide for my son’s health and well-being only greatly intensified this feeling. I consistently pursued professional relationships and success but I found that I was almost terrified to speak up in these new relationships and in meetings, etc. The fear behind pursuing relationships was, again, revealed to me in counseling.
What I didn’t realize though was that, the portion of one’s brain and heart that is normally reserved for love, is a very large part of who one is. I have literally just realized this within the last few days, now that I have just started seeing someone special. So much so that I am now becoming aware that it is going to take a lot of ongoing growth, patience in general and with myself, and understanding balance, to have just that...balance...with the various portions of one’s/my life. I also understand that being able to trust myself leads me to be with someone who can help me heal the parts of myself that can only be healed by the true and healing love of another.
It is a lot of work to heal from trauma but I am worth it...my son is worth it...my family is worth it...the environment is worth it...the world is worth it. Aren’t you worth healing from your trauma? Most of the world is experiencing C-PTSD. Knowing this makes how the world is right now make a lot of sense. Changing the world begins with self. How we are on the inside directly impacts our immediate environment and radiates outward, affecting the world. We each are worth love and healing and so is the world. Please make the choice to do the work. You’re not alone. There is tons of help and support out there. Please reach out. You’re worth it!!